we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
I just googled if crying burns calories
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Randomize
