i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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