Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Randomize
