Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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