He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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