girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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