I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
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