Cold hands, warm shart.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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