i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
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Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
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Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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