I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
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