Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
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