dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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