When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
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He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Rumble strips road head = magical
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just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
my liver is dry heaving
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
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