I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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