He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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