Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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