We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
