Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
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