guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
