I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
