peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
