Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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