Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
