I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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