Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Randomize
