Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize
