I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
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