Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
