found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
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