Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Randomize
