Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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