It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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