Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
