Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Randomize
