you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
ttyl tear gas
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
