Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
