Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Randomize
