I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Randomize
