I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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