God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now Heโs Upset Because People Told His Mom
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
Oh and itโs been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! ๐๐๐๐ฌ๐ณ๐
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