i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
