I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
