Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
