does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
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