We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Randomize
