I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
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