You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
