she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
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