You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
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