She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
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