He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
