I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Randomize
