Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
I could fuck to npr.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
is that a dick in a sweater?
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