You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Randomize
