Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
After last night, I could never be a politician.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
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