I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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