Soap is not a condiment
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
