just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Randomize
