I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
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