Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Randomize
