it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Randomize