Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
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