College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
