your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
