Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize