I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
