you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Randomize
