My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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