I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
