It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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