Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
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