He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
Randomize
