Soap is not a condiment
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
Randomize