i will never coherently bang her
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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