Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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