I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
