i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
