Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
