my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
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