Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Randomize
