Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
I'm passing your future prison.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
